5

Five years ago at this moment, I was lying in a hospital bed, holding a brand new baby girl, watching the snow fall outside the window.   There was a blizzard, Mitch had gone home to tend to the boys, and because of the H1N1 strain of flu going around at the time, there were no visitors allowed.  It was quiet, and at first I thought I would be lonely.  But I was wrong.  It was wonderful.  What better way to bond with this new creature than being almost totally alone for four days in the hospital?  Those were some of the most precious moments of my life.

Fast forward five years later… well, actually, several months earlier than now, to when I started to really freak out that that baby girl would be turning 5.  It suddenly struck me over the summer that, before I knew it, December 16^th would be here. And here we are.

I always see “5” as a big deal.  Felt it with Tyler, felt it with Evan.  But it is somehow more profound now with Madelyn.  She is my baby.  She is my girl. She is my last. 

So for the last several days, I’ve been trying to figure out what to write here and now.  What do I say about this child who turned my world upside down before she was even born?  This child who can make my heart sing and make me reel in frustration almost in the same moment?  This child who needs me, needs me, needs me, UNLESS, she doesn’t need me? This child who I can’t always figure out, but seems, on most days, to have me completely figured out?  This child with whom I feel like I share a soul?

While on many levels, I mourn this baby growing up, I also couldn’t be more excited.  I watch her every day and am in awe of the great kid she is becoming.  So smart, I know she’ll be more than ready for kindergarten next fall.  So funny, that she makes us all laugh every day - and she cracks herself up pretty regularly as well!  And so beautiful that sometimes, I can’t help but stare.

 

 

 Dear Madelyn,

 I have no idea what path you will take in this life. Will you be an academic? Will you be sporty?  Will you be musical?  Will you be dramatic?  Who are we kidding???  You already ARE dramatic!  Whatever path you choose, I know you’ll do well. You’ll excel.  And I’m excited to see it all. 

All I ask is, while you travel on your chosen path, please don’t get too far ahead of me.  I will always want to be able to see you there, walking in front of me.  And I will always need to be able to reach out and touch you.  Not to stop you from moving forward, but just to let you know that I’m there and that I will always, always be with you.

Love,

Mommy

xoxo